Where the Hell is the Blueprint?

Humans love to ask questions that they already know the answer to.

Maybe it’s a reassurance thing; a blanket of self-prescribed confidence to coat an underlying truth that is already known. For others, a sweet escape (heck of a Gwen Stefani tune by the way) from facing the man in the mirror that requires coming to grips with harsh realities.

Regardless, the answer to this one is short and sweet…and we all know it.

There isn’t one.

The fact that life has no blueprint is a beautiful thing; a blank canvas, no roadmap, and a full tank of gas with you at the steering wheel.

Yet beauty is in the eyes of the beholder; and what can/should be beauty is often overshadowed by nothing short of terror and a sense of being lost.

The paradox of a blank canvas.

Tennis legend and humanitarian Andre Agassi says it best in his autobiography, contemplating his internal thoughts while prepping for the final matches of his career at the 2006 US Open.

“Please let this be over… I don’t want it to be over.”

A then 36-year-old man’s internal grappling with his professional tennis career represents something we’ve all experienced at moments in life…a concept all but rare to a person’s 20's.

An internal paradox perplexed with dueling characters that poses the question…who the hell am I?

I’m no exception — it’s what keeps me up at night.

“I’m a social butterfly extrovert to the world, but I truly improve and love myself when it’s just me, myself and I.”

“I’d give the shirt off my back for someone…anyone. To the expense that I’ll knowingly sacrifice my own wellbeing and true self in the process.”

“I pride myself as selfless with a zest for learning more about others, yet I catch myself talking solely about myself in conversation when there is dead space…and I hate it.”

“I revolved my life around sport as a child, through college, and to this day…yet some of my greatest passions and talents lie in public speaking, geography/pop culture, and music.”

“Kenny Chesney and Morgan Wallen fill my work day but Avicii, Don Diablo (for the older crowd, these are EDM artists), MGMT and Boston fill my car rides home.

I’m a complex guy…we all are. And we live in a world that is often perceived as black and white when it comes to interests, relationships, politics…you name it.

Yet in all reality, human beings are far from black and white- we’re nuanced and complicated; and that means that our interests, endeavors, and perceptions can vary, change, and oftentimes, contradict themselves.

A paradox. One that can cause a lot of internal thought, pressure, stress, and again, the resounding question of “who am I?”

I like to view my paradox as versatility; which is perceived as a good thing by the world…and I truly think it is. Yet every rose has it’s thorn and for me it’s that over looming question. How do I truly know who I am when I have more identities than Minnesota has lakes?

I don’t know the answer…but I think it’s grounded in the fact that we’re all unfinished products and the reality that uncertainty is an uncomfortable part of life that will never go away…and we ought to get used to it, perhaps even embrace it.

One of my best friends Carter once said something along the lines of “The tough shit in life doesn’t go away…nor does it get easier. How we handle those situations is the true x-factor in how we grow and develop.”

I think that sentiment rings true to the concept of uncertainty and all of us out there who struggle with the question of who we really are and who we want to be.

I’m not perfect and I’ve definitely had my struggles…we all have. And I honestly couldn’t tell you what my dream job is ten years from now, where I want to live, or what my true passion will be (I will say, I’d love to get married, have kids, be a perennial champion in my fantasy football league, and possess the finest Weber Grill known to mankind).

What I will say is coming to to peace with that uncertainty has helped comfort me when dealing with my own paradox and unfinished blueprint. For me, faith has been a major factor, but so have a couple of grounding principles that apply regardless of what you believe.

Who cares what others think.
If you’re someone like me that immerses themself in quite a few different interests, that means you’ll be around quite a few different people…which means quite a few different opinions.

It can be easy to base your own actions, thoughts, and motives on the wants of others; I’ve honestly been doing this since I can remember. Yet doing so consistently can take away from your own confidence and distract you from your own morals, principles, and values. The brutal reality is, you can’t please everybody, and extensively attempting to do so will only subtract from your own self-love and value. Listen to others and treat everyone with kindness and respect, yet know at the end of the day that the opinion that matters most is the one that comes from within. And yes, that can exist while also listening and appreciating the perspectives of people that you disagree with.

Expect Mistakes.
I’m a perfectionist, and chances are, a number of people who are reading this are too. Being one has it’s benefits such as a strong work ethic and a pursuit of excellence, yet there’s also a dark side. Anything less than expectations or what the beholder sees as perfect? Failure. Even if that person knows deep down that they’re not one.

I’m as guilty of this as anyone. I don’t have a problem admitting when I’m wrong or when I’ve messed up, yet the greatest consequence (I believe) is the feeling that the world is crashing down when I don’t meet self-prescribed expectations.

As Hannah Montana once said…everybody makes mistakes. And everybody knows that everybody makes mistakes…and if someone doesn’t, they don’t deserve a spot in your life. Knowing that mistakes will be a part of your journey is critical to growth and being real with who you really are. A mistake does not determine your entire worth as a human being and as soon as you come to terms with that, your ability to let go of them will become easier.

Look for the Helpers.
The iconic phrase from the one and only Mr. Rogers…and one that my mom would recite to me in times of distress growing up (and to this day, yes I am soft). This phrase can be taken a number of different directions; I’ll apply it to young adults.

The 20’s truly are a time where you discover who is in your corner and who is not. Take particular observation of this and capitalize on relationships with those who genuinely care about your growth and progress. This applies to friends and family, but also mentors. Many folks in their 20’s have developed (or begun to) mentors from work, organizations, and other places. And while it can be easier to appreciate them and hold them as a fond memory, take the extra step and ask them for a coffee. Pick their brain. Ask for advice. Be vulnerable. Conversations with those who you truly trust and look up to oftentimes result in healthy reflections of who you are and where you want to go.

There are more things that I’ve picked up along the way, but the average American spends less than 75 seconds on a news article and I’m damn well near the five minute mark…next time.

Being a human paradox filled with wandering interests and uncertainty is ridden with stress, confusion, a lack of confidence, and sometimes a loss of direction. Yet maybe that’s okay. Coming to peace with it and accepting the unscripted blueprint is perhaps the first step towards moving forth with confidence.